The Moment After the Crash
When the Mind Can’t Catch Up
There is a moment after a diagnosis like Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI) when the words have already been spoken—but nothing has settled yet.
In research conducted with women at the National Institutes of Health Intramural Research Program, three words came up again and again when women were asked how they felt at the moment they heard the diagnosis:
- Devastated
- Shocked
- Confused
Not one at a time.
Often all at once.
The appointment ends.
The screen goes dark.
The room goes quiet.
And somehow, everything is different—even though nothing around you has changed.
In that moment, many women describe a strange mismatch.
Part of the mind wants answers immediately.
Another part can barely take in what just happened.
Feeling devastated doesn’t mean you are fragile.
Feeling shocked doesn’t mean you weren’t paying attention.
Feeling confused doesn’t mean you don’t understand your body.
It means something important just happened.
The diagnosis arrives faster than the nervous system can absorb it. Time can feel distorted. Ordinary decisions suddenly feel heavy. Even simple next steps can feel unclear.
This is not a failure of strength.
It is a human response to sudden change.
The Pressure to “Do Something”
Soon after the crash, there is often pressure—sometimes from others, sometimes from within—to act quickly.
- To read everything
- To make decisions
- To move forward
But wanting answers does not always mean being ready for decisions.
More information does not always bring more clarity. For many women, speed in those early days can feel less like help and more like being left alone with too much, too soon.
Pausing is not denial.
Slowing down is not giving up.
Sometimes, not moving right away is a form of care.
A Different Question
Before asking, What should I do next?
It can help to ask a quieter question:
Who is staying with me through this?
Not just for the next appointment.
Not just for the first wave of information.
But over time—through the uncertainty, the adjustments, and the moments that don’t fit neatly into a plan.
If this is where you are right now—devastated, shocked, confused—you are not behind.
You are standing in a place many women recognize.
And you do not have to rush your way out of it.
Take care and be well,
Dr. Lawrence M. Nelson, MD, MBA
Director, My 28 Days® Initiative
President, Mary Elizabeth Conover Foundation, Inc.
